Top 29 Quotes of Dave Attell

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they’re both on fire – they’re exactly alike.

Dave Attell

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people ‘the cops.’ But you know, sometimes, you’ve just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

Dave Attell

When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.

Dave Attell

What’s the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

Dave Attell

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.

Dave Attell

Once you get offstage you’re just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.

Dave Attell

My day jobs… I knew I was bad at those, so I didn’t really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.

Dave Attell

I’m not really a music guy.

Dave Attell

I’m not like a performer type.

Dave Attell

I’m not a movie guy, I’m not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.

Dave Attell

I’m a stand-up comic. Anything else I do besides that is a plus, but stand-up comedy is what I do, it’s what I’ve been doing and it’s what I’m going to keep doing.

Dave Attell

I’m a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

Dave Attell

I never wanted to be famous.

Dave Attell

I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

Dave Attell

I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.

Dave Attell

I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they’re, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.

Dave Attell

I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.

Dave Attell

I have no grand scheme.

Dave Attell

I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what’s going on.

Dave Attell

I get recognized, but I’m not really a famous famous.

Dave Attell

I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.

Dave Attell

I don’t watch reality TV. I’m cool.

Dave Attell

I don’t watch reality TV.

Dave Attell

I don’t think I’m a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.

Dave Attell

I don’t mind a crowd’s not laughing; it’s the groans that slow down the show.

Dave Attell

For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don’t know what happened to them. That’s the crowd that I like, the ones that don’t get so offended just to be offended.

Dave Attell

Doesn’t matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick.

Dave Attell

Being on the road is kind of lonely.

Dave Attell

A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that’s about it.

Dave Attell